Monthly Archives: August 2015

I was so surprised at how quickly last night’s meditation for stress relief, alternate nostril breathing, went by. It seemed I had only just started when the eleven minute timer rang out. My body continues to rail at the discipline of sitting still as I do this breath routine and sense into my surroundings outside. It wants to get up and pace or continue some activity, anything but sitting still, quietly breathing in the prana and letting a piece of the day go with every exhale. The restlessness is apparent and deeply palpable within me as I lean into this meditation. I have felt shifts from restlessness to peace and restfulness in a few of the last 37 nights, but less than a handful. My body tries to push forward much faster than I am asking it to go, but as I breathe, I am able to harness that energy in somewhat. I feel this tension for a full 10 minutes and 45 seconds at a nearly constant rate. Then, at that seemingly magical moment that marks the last fifteen seconds left to go, my body suddenly shifts from tense to quite relaxed and literally ‘lets go of the day’. The witness within me that observes all of this as it is happening marvels at this dynamic. And I have deep gratitude for feeling that ultimate change on my body’s energetic tempo. I then can rise from my seat and go off to bed, slipping with ease into sleep. At least for a while. My sleep continues to be fragmented and this night was no different. I have occasional and glorious nights of long periods of sleep. Tonight was a restless one after a few short hours of peaceful sleep. Finally I arose at first light, which by now is getting to be quite late indeed, compared to June. It is barely light at 6AM now, and having been used to rising at 4:30AM or 5AM, this morning I feel I have overslept. Oh well. So I overslept. What of it? Time for sadhana regardless. When I take myself onto the back porch, I see such a beautiful morning! I am immediately so grateful to be able to sit outdoors in the once again relative warm moist air of late summer. Ahhhhhhhh.  What a soothing way to begin and center into the day. As I begin the 5x5x5 breathing routine, I see that the turkey vultures are already out leaving their nightly roosts. As I look to the southwest, my eyes catch three of these birds flying into the valley’s space in front of me from three different directions. Estimating their trajectories, it looks to me that they are going to have a mass collision right in front of me in midair. Yet they fly over and across one another with the ease and grace beyond even a prima ballerina. My breath catches in my throat as I witness this moment, which came and went in the span of maybe fifteen seconds at the very most from beginning to end. I am relieved that the birds are safe. I am once again in awe at their command of the air. And I am grateful that I happened to be right there in that moment to witness such a sight! As I resume the steady breathing routine, I see more turkey vultures taking off towards the marshes south of here. They have this pattern where they generally fly out of the valley one at a time and about one minute apart from each other and are heading in the same direction. I imagine one of their ‘leaders’ has called a meeting to begin the day with their version of order. I think of Tommy and the rest of the Bookenders and wonder what discoveries they are witnessing in their meditations. I would love to compare notes sometime. This practice is a gift that just keeps on giving. Sat Nam!

#thebookendmeditations #andnowyoga #sadhana #recovery #satnam #kippinitreal

A crisp bright blue-skied day greeted me as I stepped out onto the back porch for my morning Bookend 5x5x5 breathing meditation. I donned a flannel shirt under a light jacket to meet the cool, yet gentle quiet air embracing the valley in this moment. I sat for a few heartbeats and felt into the presence of the creatures in these woods, taking in their song, sights, and scents. I felt into the rhythm of my heartbeat and commenced breathing to its beat: 5 beats inhale, 5 beats hold the breath, 5 beats exhale. Repeat. I achieved a steady breathing routine and, trusting that I might be able to do this and participate in the scene around me, I turned just enough of my attention away from my breathing routine to the rest of what I was witnessing to experience it along with this breath rhythm. I wondered at the seeming effortlessness of a sparrow gliding from branch to branch. It is truly one with the air. Breathe in, hold, and breathe out. Repeat. I am in awe at the sheer number of different bird songs riding the air and echoing through the trees. I think to count how many different songs I hear and then decide against this idea. I am pushing the limits of this practice by dividing my attention between my breathing and my experience in nature. I am satisfied just witnessing their songs and how unique they all are. As I watch all of their activity, I see that they share flying through the air in as varied a way as they do singing into it. Yet another quality to marvel about these creatures. I turn my attention more fully to my breath and stay there, blocking out the lovely scene I am in for a few minutes. As I sense more deeply within myself, I realize that this meditation has yet one more lesson to share with me. Through this directed breath exercise, I am learning to trust a part of myself more. I see that I am integrating myself more fully. And I didn’t even realize that I wasn’t already this fully integrated. A voice deep within me whispers as I hold my breath: “Are you going to let that breath out and take in another one?” It is as if a part of me does not fully trust the decisions that I am making. Interesting. I am aware that I continue to develop more and more trust that my intuition is my trusted guide in all things. Nikki Myers speaks about recovery being about recovering the lost soul. I believe she would agree that I have found a piece of my lost soul through the breath. It seems this is an exercise that utterly grounds this trust into a practical application of the principle of trusting myself to do the next right thing, and that I will be guided, indeed prompted in this case, to the next appropriate action. I send gratitude to Tommy and his teachers, and their teachers for passing this practice to me and the rest of the Bookenders. And I send out a wish for my fellow and fellow-ette co-meditators that they are finding their own gifts of this 5x5x5 breathing routine. Sat Nam!

#thebookendmeditations #andnowyoga #sadhana #recovery #satnam #kippinitreal

We had lovely nourishing rains as a cold front moved in yesterday, bringing a measure of fullness and completion to the ripening fruits and vegetables in our neck of the woods. This morning it is a cool 55 degrees. I feel the fingers of winter stretching out its tendrils in hopes of  getting a grasp even now. The cool air has this valley in a firm hold as I sit and enter into the 5x5x5 breath meditation. I feel the cooler air seep and penetrate into the core of my very bones as I sit here. No matter what the calendar says, fall is here. The weather, the birds and how they seem to be gathering in flocks, as if practicing for when they fly together to their wintering grounds, and even the trees seem to be a little less vibrant and vigorous, their green turned from a bright vibrant green to a darker, more mature shade. Now and again a dying leaf drops and surrenders itself into the wind and then to the ground. A gentle breeze is passing through from the northwest, bringing its sweet song of crisp mountain air and prairie scents. And as the minutes passed, the wind’s presence grew, its song more insistent. As I looked above the treetops in wonder in hopes that I might be able to see into the wind itself, I saw the turkey vultures rise right up into it en masse. These birds are consummate wind surfers and bring their own flavor of grace on the wing. I could spend the day watching them, mesmerized by their seeming playful and joyful antics in the sky. I had to remind myself to breathe in the 5x5x5 rhythm once again as I watched the turkey vultures. Their activity lured me right in, lock, stock, and barrel, with all of my attention, so strongly did I feel their pull. I had forgotten for the moment why I was even outside in the first place. “You are here to anchor in to your day, not to dream in the sky with the vultures. They are doing just what they are meant to. Now, turn your attention to what you are doing. You are ‘being’ in the breath, remember? You are not dreaming of what it is like to ‘be’ a turkey vulture.” I can always come back to the moment right in front of me, with the breath as my trusted guide. I think of Tommy and the rest of the Bookenders, hoping that they are finding the breath to be such a faithful rescuer in their practice. I am anchored into this end of my day and I am so grateful for this practice and all of the teachers that have passed it down over the years. Ong namo guru dev namo and Sat Nam!

#thebookendmeditations #andnow yoga #satnam #sadhana #recovery #kippinitreal