Sat Nam! my friends. Try as he did to ground us at the end of the day yesterday, I do not believe Gurucharan fully succeeded in his effort in this regard. I do not feel like I ever fully landed from the adventure of climbing the mountain he refers to us ascending as we move through these stages of meditation. I felt when we completed our work for the day yesterday that a part of myself had taken off and expanded into the Infinite and I am not convinced this part of me ever quite returned to the ground. We had a full day – again working again as we had in prior days with the Sound Current, conscious and measured breathing, and specific postures. We began with the Laya Yoga Meditation Series, a series of eight different combinations of mantra and postures, with the Laya Yoga form of the Adi Shakti mantra repeated four times for 31 minutes each. The point of this series was to give us “the ability to raise our level of consciousness, the kundalini, through the chakras and consciously connect with the Unseen.” And then we chanted this same mantra holding hands with each other in a group, which provided a whole other level for me of feeling, deeply and in a markedly tangible way, our connection to each other, all within the Field of the Infinite. We had one posture where we had to hold our arms extended straight forward with our hands clasped together, thumbs forming a “v” as a site line. We looked right through this “v” into the horizon and beyond. This was a most challenging meditation.
I truly had an experience of the counterpoint between the finite body and the Infinite as a result of sticking out the 31 minutes of this piece. I saw clearly the negative and positive mind within me and they were locked in a fierce battle with one another, one just as determined as the other to be the victor. My negative mind was saying, “Put your arms down! You really don’t have to do this. Have you completely lost your sense of reason?” And, it went on to even greater heights threatening, “If you don’t put your arms down, they will either explode or just quit for good and fall off altogether!” The positive mind countered with, “You can DO this! Look at how everyone else is holding steady. People have been doing this for thousands of years. You may have even done this before in a past life; this is just one more repetition. And you WILL do this – no matter what!”
And it went on and on, back and forth, like this for a while. I watched this whole thing play out before me. My body was really struggling to keep up. And the struggle alone became an issue. I saw this with such clarity as the negative and positive minds raged in their pitched battle. I saw that this relationship was full of shadow. I made an ‘executive decision’ as the watcher to bring both of these warring parties to the peace table and drop the struggle. I allowed myself to drop my arms for one or two repetitions of the mantra, a blessed rest for a moment, and raised them to begin the holding posture again. And by giving myself permission to be truly human in that moment, not hold myself to a Herculean standard, but to the Elizabeth standard, I found such peace. The war within ceased. I continued breathing, chanting, holding, and dropping now and again, but this time the mind chatter and discord was gone. I had done the best I could and that was reward in and of itself. By the time it was over and I sat quietly, I felt expanded beyond…words. I felt I had experienced the depths of the finite and was blessed with actually getting a real glimpse of at least the very edges of the infinite.
And when we did the group chant and holding posture, I was so grateful that I had found this peace within. We held hands as we chanted the Laya Yoga form of the Adi Shakti mantra once again, now for the fifth time, and held our arms up. I found that place of peace and held myself steady there. The option to drop my arms just was not even in the equation here. I do not believe I would have been able to keep my arms up if I had not had such clarity around and come to resolution with that battle within myself. And I experienced such a deep and palpable way that connection between my self, our group, and the Infinite. I could go on here…but I feel that I am only beginning to touch the surface waters of what these stages have to offer. I am honored and blessed indeed to spend whatever time I have left in this life to plumb their depths. I leave you with a view of my meditation mat for yesterday. Sat Nam!
#AndNowYoga #Meditation #SatNam #Recovery #LivingBeyondChronicPain #FromTheMat #kippinitreal