It seemed to me that I floated all throughout my sleep last night. I was surprised at how restless I was once my head finally hit the pillow, even after the Bookend Meditation, but there you have it. It was what it was and I found peace even in the restlessness. Finding peace in such a state within myself is indeed progress, especially after so many years of experiencing so much conflict inside – between myself and myself – in my journey into and through chronic pain and the addiction that ensued as I attempted to change and get rid of the pain in any way I could. Facing my experience of pain on its terms and fully accepting that it had taken up residence, well that just seemed unacceptable to me. And quelling the pain with an agent from the external world…well, we all know what happened with that. I did get a glimpse of this when I suffered with migraine headaches for years. One day in year 7 of this particular torment, I hit a bottom of desperation as I lay in a darkened, quiet room nestled in between a cloud of soft supportive pillows. The medications I had been given were clearly not up to the task given them to relieve the pain and pressures I was experiencing. I felt trapped and had nowhere else to turn but inward. I asked the Divine for help and gave myself up to It and what existed in that moment. I reached in a state where I suspended all efforts to change or effect what I was feeling in any way. I said to myself: “Your strategy is clearly not working. What if you took a contrary action?” And in that moment, I turned in to and accepted my experience, not trying to change it in any way. I allowed myself to merely feel it. And what followed was extraordinary and previously unimaginable to me. My migraine dissolved, never to be felt again. I did not realize at that time exactly what had occurred, other than my experience got turned on its head and I was no longer suffering in that way. I did not see at the time that the acceptance of my state was a key and critical piece of my healing journey. I believe now that at that time I was in such a blur from so much medication that I missed the larger lesson. That I even remember it now is a blessing, . But I digress…
I awoke this morning feeling activated like never before. I do not know how to describe how I feel in any other way. It is as if every cell in my body has had a switch that heretofore had laid quietly hidden and got flipped on yesterday. I felt it turn on during the Adi Shakti Mantra yesterday. I felt it emanate throughout myself through the day and evening yesterday. That I awoke with it still buzzing amidst all of my cells was a pleasant and unexpected surprise. I must say, when Tommy Rosen presents me with an opportunity, no matter how outlandish it may seem to me at the time, I am coming to realize that he is on to something. I refuse his invitations at my own risk. I hoped that I might discover something new about myself…but this is discovery on a whole other level. I perceive a vibrancy to the world – both in the internal and external – that is reminiscent of, but far beyond my experiences in days of using agents from the external world in search of such happenings, but this….well, here is where a poet should take over. Words fail me completely in finding expression for how I feel.
I walk into this day open to what the 21 stages of meditation, Gurucharan, and the Infinite have to offer me. And I take each one of you into this experience with me. We are, after all, connected. We all breathe from the same Field and we breathe together. Our hearts beat to the same drummer, a power greater than ourselves, and One to which we are all inextricably and forever joined. Sat Nam!
#AndNowYoga #Meditation #SatNam #LivingBeyondChronicPain #Recovery #FromTheMat #kippinitreal