Elizabeth Kipp shared “How to Survive the Holidays Sober and Keep Your Inner Peace” on The Holiday Survival Podcast with Erin Billings.
LISTEN HERE.
The holiday season is a time of joy, celebration, and togetherness for many. However, it can also be challenging, especially for those recovering from addiction. The abundance of alcohol and the pressure to drink socially can create difficult situations. But fear not! Enjoying the holidays while staying sober and maintaining your inner peace is possible. Here are some practical and effective ways to help you stay on track during this festive season.
Begin by checking in with Your Intention:
What is your intention for your sobriety?
What is your commitment?
As you go through the holiday season, remember your intention. Is the action you are about to take in line with your intention? And, can you live with the consequences of that action?
Find safety first, so you can then find connection.
You can’t protect and connect at the same time. If we feel threatened, we naturally protect ourselves. We cannot connect to others from this defensive place. So, to move from protection to being open to connecting, we have to first find a sense of safety.
Family or other social gatherings can be challenging. Make it a priority to find something that makes you feel comfortable and secure. This could be something as simple as keeping to a routine, especially during the holidays, the best you can.
Planning is vital when it comes to staying sober during the holidays.
Have a strategy in place before attending gatherings or events. Know your triggers and develop a plan to cope with them. Consider bringing a sober friend to events or have a buddy you can call if you feel the temptation to drink. Make a schedule that includes self-care activities like exercise, meditation, or hobbies to keep yourself occupied.
Whether you stay home or travel this holiday, make it part of your routine to start the week with a 12-step meeting. This will help keep you on the path of recovery and in alignment with your commitment to stay sober.
Try this to help ground yourself:
Find five things you can see.
Locate four things you can touch.
Find three things you can hear.
What two things can you smell?
Find one thing you can taste.
Another way to ground yourself is to touch something comforting:
This could be your favorite blanket, a much-loved T-shirt, a smooth stone, or anything that feels good to touch. Think about how it feels under your fingers or in your hand. If you have a favorite sweater, scarf, or pair of socks, put them on and spend a moment thinking about the sensation of the fabric on your skin.
You can also ground yourself by taking a few moments to listen to the noises around you. Do you hear birds? Dogs barking? Machinery or traffic? If you hear people talking, what are they saying? Do you recognize the language?
Let the sounds wash over you and remind you where you are.
Another way to find a sense of safety is to breathe – long, slow, and deep.
Keep the exhale as long or longer than the inhale. Breathe this way for at least three minutes. This will send a signal to your nervous system that it feels safe, and you will feel calmer. The great thing about this is that you carry the breath wherever you go, so you can always use it to help find ease.
Lean into Self-Compassion.
Give yourself a break. Remember your intention and celebrate you and your recovery path. You’re doing the best you can. I live by the general operating principle that everyone is doing the best they can with the information they have at hand and the level of consciousness they have at the time. This helps me stay in an open-hearted space of compassion.
Build a Support System
A critical step to maintaining your sobriety during the holidays is surrounding yourself with a strong and reliable support system. Let your friends and family know about your commitment to sobriety so they can provide the emotional support you need. Finding a person you feel comfortable with is another way to find safety. Choose someone that you can safely express your feelings with. It’s okay to be selective with whom you spend your time.
Attend support group meetings, connect with a sponsor, or speak with a therapist regularly to keep yourself accountable.
Honor any grief you have.
We often remember how we spent holidays in previous years with loved ones who are now gone. Honor the powerful feelings that come up around these memories. You can process feelings of loneliness and sadness when you share them with others.
Make it a priority to be with people at a pace that you can handle.
Be it family, friends, or serving food to the homeless at your local soup kitchen, you will be lifted and lift others through connection and compassion.
And, avoid sitting alone with a negative thought.
The mind can have a tendency to focus on negativity. Please find a safe person to process such negativity with.
For example, even though it feels personal to experience rejection or ridicule, try not to take things personally. The way another person treats you says more about them and the problems they’re dealing with than it does about you. Allow yourself to feel your feelings first, so you can process the energy of such negativity. Breathe – long, slow, and deep. And, when it comes to processing the meaning of the rejection or ridicule, find a person with whom you feel safe, and share with them. Sharing in this way is healing for both of you. You stay out of the energy of addictive thinking and move into the energy of recovery, and your friend gets to be of service. Everyone wins when you share.
As trauma expert, Dr. Gabor Mate has said, “People don’t get traumatized because they hurt. People get traumatized because they are alone with the hurt. Don’t ask, “Why the addiction? Ask, “Why the pain?””
Make sure you connect with someone with whom you feel safe.
Take Breaks and Have an Exit Strategy
If you start feeling uncomfortable, first remember to breathe long, slow, and deep. Take care of yourself first. Your recovery comes first.
Sometimes, removing yourself from a situation that could compromise your sobriety is best. Create an exit strategy to leave a gathering if you start feeling uncomfortable or tempted to drink. A ready-made excuse or a friend you can call for a quick escape can be a lifesaver. Realize you have power here because you can choose to stay or leave the situation. You can go for a walk, call a friend or your sponsor, or get to a meeting. These are effective and easy ways to pace yourself. You are creating healthy boundaries for yourself by realizing when you’ve had enough and need to shift gears. This is good for you and everyone else.
Practice Mindfulness
One of the keys to maintaining inner peace is practicing mindfulness. Be present in the moment and focus on what’s happening right now. Mindfulness can help you deal with stress, anxiety, and cravings. When you feel the urge to drink, take a few long, slow, deep breaths, ground yourself, and remind yourself of your commitment to sobriety.
Avoid High-Risk Situations
Recognize that not all holiday gatherings are created equal. If you know that alcohol and other temptations will be present at a particular event, consider skipping it. Prioritize your well-being and choose to attend gatherings that are more sober-friendly. There’s no need to put yourself in high-risk situations when you can make safer choices. Remember that you have agency. You may have people-pleasing tendencies, but the most important person to please is yourself.
Communicate Your Needs
Don’t be afraid to communicate your needs to your loved ones. Let them know you would appreciate their support in keeping the environment alcohol-free or providing non-alcoholic alternatives. Those who care about you will likely be more than willing to accommodate your needs.
Enjoy Non-Alcoholic Alternatives
One of the best ways to maintain sobriety during the holidays is to find non-alcoholic alternatives you genuinely enjoy. Many delicious mocktails and alcohol-free beverages are available. Experiment with creating your own festive drinks so you can still feel like you’re part of the celebration without compromising your sobriety.
Keep Your Eye on the Prize – Focus on Connection, Not Consumption
The holidays are about connecting with loved ones, not consuming alcohol. Shift your focus from what’s in your glass to the people around you. Engage in meaningful conversations, share stories, and savor the moments spent with your friends and family. The more you concentrate on the connections, the less you’ll think about alcohol.
Keep Your Expectations Real
The holiday season can be stressful, with high expectations and sometimes strained family dynamics. Setting realistic expectations can help you avoid disappointments and reduce anxiety. It’s okay to step back if things become overwhelming.
Step into Service – Volunteer or Give Back
One way to maintain inner peace during the holidays is by giving back to the community or volunteering. Helping others can be incredibly fulfilling and remind you of the bigger picture. You can also be of service to your family by being a good listener and helping to cook, serve, and/or clean up. Your presence alone is a gift and a service to whatever gathering you are attending. It can also provide a sense of purpose that can help keep you on track with your sobriety.
Embrace Gratitude – It Heals
The holiday season offers the perfect opportunity to nurture a profound sense of gratitude. Instead of fixating on limitations, redirect your attention to what you can accomplish and the blessings you hold dear. Conveying appreciation for your sobriety, the unwavering support you’re blessed with, and the constructive transformations in your life can strengthen your dedication to maintaining sobriety and cultivate a positive outlook.
Staying sober during the holidays and maintaining your inner peace is entirely possible with the right strategies and support system.
Remember to prioritize your well-being, plan ahead, practice mindfulness, and communicate your needs to your loved ones. By focusing on connection rather than consumption and finding non-alcoholic alternatives you enjoy, you can have a joyful and peaceful holiday season while staying true to your commitment to sobriety. Lastly, remember that it’s okay to ask for help and lean on your support system when needed. The holidays are a time for celebration, and your celebration can be just as meaningful, if not more so, when you’re sober and at peace.
And, finally, remember – you never have to drink or use again.
Reach back into your commitment and your intention for your health. Stand by it and stand by yourself. You will benefit – and so will the rest of us. You can survive the holidays sober and keep your inner peace.
If you would like some private coaching to support your recovery, you can book a session with Elizabeth here.
