The affirmation backfire reveals the experience some people have when positive affirmations don’t work for them. Positive affirmations are often marketed as magical tools to change your life. But here’s a truth bomb that needs to be dropped:
Affirmations don’t always work. In fact, they can backfire.
You’ve probably been told to repeat phrases like:
“I am safe.”
“I am worthy.”
“I am abundant.”
But if your inner voice screams “Liar!”, you’re not alone.
When Positive Affirmations Make You Feel Worse
I had a client healing from betrayal trauma. He was doing everything “right”:
journaling
meditating
saying affirmations daily
But the more he said things like “I trust myself” and “I am enough,” the more unworthy he felt.
“Why doesn’t this work for me?”
“What’s wrong with me?”
Rather than inspiring confidence, the affirmations made him feel more broken. His self-esteem plummeted—not because he lacked discipline, but because his nervous system wasn’t on board.
That’s the affirmation backfire.
Why Positive Affirmations Don’t Work (Yet)
1. Your Nervous System Has to Feel Safe
Positive affirmations work only if your body believes them.
But if you’re stuck in fight, flight, freeze, or fawn, the body interprets new ideas—like “I am safe”—as threats, not truths.
That’s because trauma lives in the body, not just the mind.
2. You Can’t Bypass Dysregulation with Words
When your body is dysregulated, the amygdala hijacks logic. This means the brain literally can’t process new beliefs.
So repeating “I am loved” while in a panic spiral doesn’t help.
It feels fake.
And the result? You judge yourself harder.
Affirmation + Dysregulation = Shame Spiral
Here’s what this often sounds like internally:
“Everyone else is healing. What’s wrong with me?”
“Maybe I’m just not trying hard enough.”
“I must be doing something wrong.”
Affirmations were meant to help… but they end up reinforcing shame. That’s the backfire.
How to Make Affirmations Work
✅ 1. Regulate Your Nervous System First
Before you speak a single affirmation, check in with your body:
Breathe. Three deep belly breaths.
Touch. Hand on heart or solar plexus.
Anchor. Gently whisper: “I’m here now.”
Try the HALT + Sadhana check-in:
Hungry
Angry
Lonely
Tired
Sadhana (Have I done spiritual practice today?)
This simple check-in can calm your system enough to receive new truth.
✅ 2. Use Trauma-Informed Affirmations
Skip the glittery spiritual bypass. Use language your nervous system can believe.
Instead of:
“I am confident.”
Try:
“I’m learning to trust myself.”
“It’s okay to feel scared.”
“It’s safe to go slow.”
✅ 3. Listen for the Body’s Response
Say the affirmation. Then notice:
Do you feel softening or tension?
Does your breath expand or shorten?
Do tears arise, or does your jaw clench?
This is somatic wisdom. Trust it.
Real Affirmations for Real Healing
Here are a few that actually work—because they meet you where you are:
💬 “I can’t force healing—but I can allow it.”
💬 “I don’t need to believe this fully yet.”
💬 “It’s okay to be where I am.”
💬 “My body is trying to protect me—and I’m listening.”
These aren’t shortcuts. They’re invitations.
You’re Not Failing—You’re Just Regulating
If positive affirmations have ever left you feeling worse, hear this:
You are not broken, or behind, or “bad” at healing.
You’re just doing what your nervous system knows how to do: protect you.
Affirmations are powerful—but only when your body is ready to believe them.
Regulate first. Then affirm.
Want Support That Works with Your Nervous System?
My course, Foundations of Trauma Recovery, is designed to help you heal at the root.
We combine trauma-informed tools, ancestral clearing, mantra, and somatic awareness—so your healing isn’t just wishful thinking, it’s embodied transformation.
👉 Click here to learn more and join Foundations of Trauma Recovery
