Shame as a teacher is the focus of Season 2, Episode #40 of the Untethering Shame Podcast with Kyira Wackett.
In this conversation, Kyira Wackett and Elizabeth Kipp explore the complex relationship between shame, recovery, and self-compassion. They discuss how shame is a teacher. The impact of shame on addiction, the importance of breathwork in healing, and the role of inner child work in understanding our emotional responses. They emphasize the need for radical acceptance and the power of self-discovery in overcoming shame and fostering resilience. Elizabeth shares personal experiences and insights from her journey in recovery, highlighting the significance of compassion and the innate healing capabilities within each individual.
Consider…
When was the last time you felt shame, and what did you do next? For many of us, shame is an experience we try to escape, hide, or shut down. But what if, instead, we saw shame as a guide?
In this episode, host Kyira welcomes back Elizabeth Kipp, a stress management and historical trauma specialist with decades of firsthand experience in pain, addiction, and healing. Together, they unravel a revolutionary idea: shame doesn’t have to be our adversary. It can be an unexpected teacher.
Letting Shame Lead Us Home
Elizabeth shares her personal journey—over 40 years of chronic pain, anxiety, and addiction—explaining how shame not only fed her suffering but, ultimately, illuminated her healing. “Shame is the food of addiction,” Elizabeth explains, describing her own resistance and eventual willingness to shine a light on hidden shame as a crucial turning point in her recovery.
Through profound vulnerability, Elizabeth tells the story of discovering a deep childhood memory: being just four years old, tasked with serving adults, already feeling that her best was never enough. That belief, rooted in shame, became a thread woven through relationships and self-perception for years. “When we actually turn into our shame instead of hiding from it,” she says, “we free ourselves.”
Why Is Shame So Sticky?
Kyira opens up about moments as a mother when the echo of shame feels immediate and inescapable—when the narrative of “not enough” takes over. Why is it so hard to show the same compassion to ourselves in the present as we might for our younger selves?
Elizabeth invites us to consider the role of ancestral trauma, how our nervous systems are shaped by generations of unprocessed stress, and how this legacy keeps us caught in reactive cycles. “If it’s hysterical, it’s historical,” she notes, highlighting how a parent’s struggle, a grandparent’s fears, can live on in us, echoing through our responses—even in moments we think are uniquely our own.
Tools for Healing: Breath, Curiosity, and Radical Acceptance
How do we break the pattern? Elizabeth offers practical tools and deep wisdom:
Regulate First:
Before reasoning or relating, pause and regulate your nervous system. “You can’t think your way out of a dysregulated state,” Elizabeth states. Simple breath work—especially long, slow exhales—activates the body’s relaxation response and opens the door to clarity.
Ask the Powerful Questions
“When is it going to be enough?” Challenge shame’s moving target by asking this question, and notice how rarely shame offers a clear answer.
Curiosity over Judgment
Both Kyira and Elizabeth stress the importance of curiosity. Instead of spiraling into criticism, get curious. What is this shame telling me? What’s underneath it?
Compassionate Acceptance
Instead of fighting or bypassing uncomfortable feelings, let them exist. Let acceptance-not resistance-be your first response.
Practice Makes Possible
Elizabeth shares her 11-minute daily breath/meditation ritual and explains the science (and real-life resistance) behind sticking with it. Every cycle of discomfort gives us a shot at rewiring old patterns.
You Have Agency
The episode closes with a resounding message of empowerment. Healing isn’t about “fixing” yourself, but recognizing that you operate exactly as you were designed to under the weight of your own history—and you have the power to re-design. “The greatest healer in your life lives within you,” Elizabeth reminds us. Start small: breathe, accept, get curious, and remember that you are not alone in this human experience.
Takeaways:
- Shame is a significant barrier in addiction recovery.
- Turning towards shame can lead to personal freedom.
- Inner child healing is an ongoing process.
- Ancestral trauma influences our current emotional patterns.
- The question of ‘enough’ often stems from shame.
- Breathwork is a powerful tool for emotional regulation.
- Resistance in healing is a common experience.
- Radical acceptance is crucial for self-compassion.
- We have the power to redesign our emotional patterns.
- Self-discovery is key to empowerment in healing.